Apr 4, 2010

Quarters, pit bulls and panties

A laundromat haiku:

Pit bull on the floor
Seven damn quarters a load
I see your panties

Y'all, my washing machine broke this morning. I was washing a load that was admittedly probably too big for the darn thing, but why do an extra load when you can jam a few more things in there, right?

Everything was working out fine (and I was saving time by consolidating loads!) until it started doing that bangbangcrashboombang that washing machines do when they're off balance.

No big deal.

I'll just open the lid and stop the spinning and move the clothes around.

Wait.

I forgot that this stupid washing machine doesn't stop spinning when you open the lid...

...I guess it'll just have to suffer through the off-balanceness.

OR DIE.

It chose to die. It kept spinning, but kind of stopped making the normal washing machine "is on" noise. It was just quiet spinning, and I knew this was not a good sign. But it was still spinning! So, I was hoping it was fine (even though I knew it wasn't). It's always better to delay aggravation as long as possible.

Anywhos, back to my wishy washer. It made it through the spin cycle... but didn't fill up for rinse. Hmm, I says to myself, I says: Maybe if I manually turn it to rinse.

Rinse, bitch!

Like magic, the water started to fill up. Yay, water! Yay, washer! It's going to be OK!

No, actually, it's not. Now I have a washer full of water that won't spin to drain full of towels that serve their purpose much better when dry.

[enter delayed aggravation]

Grrrrrrrr! Now I have to find a laundromat that's open on Easter. Go figure. Seeing as how it is Easter, could someone just resurrect my washing machine?!

Now, mind you, a laundromat? a) I don't do coin laundry. b) I need coins. c) That thing is full of water and full of stuff -- what the heck do I do with that? Bring it dripping wet?

I'm pretty sure Jesus would not approve of my washing machine dying today.

Long story short, I find a laundromat. Every change machine in there (there are two) are out of order. There is a pit bull in a cage just sleeping in the coin laundry like that's normal. And the other lady there is doing laundry in this ridiculous dress (shirt?) that flaunts (that can't be the right word) her panties when she loads the dryer.

And they're so big, I'm sure she could fit a whole load in them. If she hasn't already.

Happer Easter, everyone.

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