Helmet-heads

Remember when it was only retarded (um, mentally challenged) people who wore helmets? What happened?

All of the sudden, every kid is riding around on their bikes, Roller Blades, skateboards, etc. with helmets on. And knee pads. And elbow pads. And shin guards. And SPF 185 lotion. Are all the rugrats you people are popping out lately really that clumsy?

Back when I was a kid, my mom sent me out to play... and that's it. I didn't have to strap on 15 different apparatuses before braving the big bad world. I would go out there, jump on my bike, bust my ass like a good girl and report back for a Band-aid and some Neosporin.

And believe me, after a couple good ass-bustings, we'd solve that falling problem pretty damn fast. Ouch, that hurts... I think I'll stop doing that. Tada!

But I don't know. Maybe kids nowadays are a little, well, challenged. Every other one is allergic to peanuts or wheat or sugar or something funky like that. Snack time is officially ruined because Jimmy can't eat peanut butter crackers and Suzie can't have Nilla Wafers. Whatever.

Bunch of wimps we got coming up here. We think we have special people running this country now... Heh. Just give it 25 years. We'll see how it is when this generation is all grown up.