Medicating the cat

Everything you've ever heard is true.

That email forward that goes around every so often is true.

I'm not sure if any of you have ever tried to give a cat medicine, but personally, I'd rather eat fish (and anyone who knows me knows I. Don't. Eat. That.). The cutest wittle kitty can turn into the most ferocious beast during this process.

Take Pimp (my feline son), for example. He's a big boy, and he needs to take antibiotics twice a day for two weeks. It's a liquid that I need to squirt (God, I hate that word) into his mouth with this syringe -- and he's not having it. He scratches. He flails. He kicks. He hates.

And he ends up wearing antibiotic all over his face because of it. Dude, I'm trying to get this in your mouth. Everybody just relax, and this whole thing will be much less painless. For both of us.

Anyway, it's bad enough that I have specific "cat medicating" clothes (cat hair and claw holes), but I also have to so a sneak attack because he knows what's coming when he sees the bottle, me randomly changing clothes or, if he's a little late on the pickup, me coming toward him with the Syringe of Doom.

Whoosh! What was that? Oh, it's just the cat under the bed. Looks like I'll be late to work...

Now who wants a treat...? ;)

Old guys who look at you and say, "yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah"

Allow me to set the scene:

I'm leaving the beach, so I'm in a bikini top and some little shorts, and this nasty old(er) man (he has bleach blond hair for some reason, and it's thin; i could bounce a quarter off his stomach, because his beer gut is so solid; he has a chain on that is too thick, and it's ridiculous because he's not gangsta; and he's wearing some Volcom boardshorts, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know what Volcom is).

Anyway, he looks me up and down as I walk by and says, "Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah." Huh? NO-NO. NO-NO.

It was actually pretty comical. Aside from the fact that I suddenly felt the urge to bathe in bleach and hydrogen peroxide, I couldn't help but shake my head and giggle at this poor old man. I wonder if that yeah-yeah mess has ever worked for him? I imagine he's been trying it for the last 50 years, figuring that one day some young filly would bite.

Move along, Gramps. I hear they're having 2-4-1 Metamucil martinis at the Bingo hall.

Putting laundry away

Anyone else?

I'll wash laundry day in and day out. That's no problem. It practically does itself. But PUTTING IT AWAY? I'd rather scrub the toilet, toothbrush the bathtub grout, vacuum the whole house and mow the lawn with my teeth.

So I just pile it. High. And the pile becomes my closet. Try as I often do to get someone else to put it away for me, it just doesn't happen. I have no idea why my friends wouldn't want to come over here and hang up my clothes...

Now this is a service I'd pay for. I don't need a whole maid, just someone to put my laundry away, and that's it. What do you think a reasonable fee for that would be? $10 a pile? $15? Shit, I'd pay it.

Who wants a quick 15 bucks?!?

Nerd stuff like making web sites

Have you ever tried? Goddamn.

I buy my fabulous domain from godaddy. Who knows if that was a mistake (I certainly don't know; I just know they had a Superbowl commercial, and that's enough credibility for me). Anywhos, I am desperately trying to use their site-building tools.

It's supposed to be easy. Website Tonight! it's called. My ass. Website if the page ever loads... It is slower than anything I've ever come across. But, hey, I'll deal with it because it's free. Can't complain about free, can you?

Um. I believe I'm doing just that. This is night #2 of Website Tonight! and it isn't even working. The level of annoying here is huge. Imagine an eyelash in your eye. Annoying right? Now dump every single lash you have in that same eyeball. That's about where I'm at right now.

One day I'm sure I'll get this thing up and running, but right now? All I want is a glass (bottle) of wine. Now THAT at least I know I can get tonight.

Headaches

I've had a headache for four days now. Well, not for four days straight, but each of the last four days, I've had a headache.

One time, I almost convinced myself I have a tumor. (Insert Ahhhhnold reference: It's not a tumah.)

I'm sure it's a combination of things that will eventually resolve themselves, but right now I think the only cure for this tumah I seemed to have developed is a vacation. Like at least 5 days in a row of doing straight nothing.

And not checking emails, especially work ones. And putting my cell phone on silent, and leaving it there... I'll check it twice a day maybe. And perfect cloudless beach weather. And clothes that don't need to be ironed, fluffed or thrown into a pile because they don't look good for whatever reason that day. And then, when I do go back to work, I want my entire to-do list miraculously wiped out.

If that doesn't take away my tumah, then I'd start getting worried for real.

Victoria's Secret (update!)

Dear Vicki,

Please accept my deepest apologies regarding the post I wrote three days ago. You have fully redeemed yourself and I would like you to know I'm am hereby officially removing you from my shit list.

Thank you for having the bikini bottom in your catalog that is back-ordered until MayFreakin21st IN STOCK IN THE DAMN STORE.

I truly appreciate it, but am still a little hurt that you didn't just tell me that before. I thought we were closer than that. I trusted you.

Anyway, I'll get over it. I always do. You had me at $10 coupon. Welcome back to my Holy Trinity of Shopping (Express/Victoria's Secret/Target). Welcome home.