Old guys who look at you and say, "yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah"

Allow me to set the scene:

I'm leaving the beach, so I'm in a bikini top and some little shorts, and this nasty old(er) man (he has bleach blond hair for some reason, and it's thin; i could bounce a quarter off his stomach, because his beer gut is so solid; he has a chain on that is too thick, and it's ridiculous because he's not gangsta; and he's wearing some Volcom boardshorts, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know what Volcom is).

Anyway, he looks me up and down as I walk by and says, "Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah." Huh? NO-NO. NO-NO.

It was actually pretty comical. Aside from the fact that I suddenly felt the urge to bathe in bleach and hydrogen peroxide, I couldn't help but shake my head and giggle at this poor old man. I wonder if that yeah-yeah mess has ever worked for him? I imagine he's been trying it for the last 50 years, figuring that one day some young filly would bite.

Move along, Gramps. I hear they're having 2-4-1 Metamucil martinis at the Bingo hall.

Putting laundry away

Anyone else?

I'll wash laundry day in and day out. That's no problem. It practically does itself. But PUTTING IT AWAY? I'd rather scrub the toilet, toothbrush the bathtub grout, vacuum the whole house and mow the lawn with my teeth.

So I just pile it. High. And the pile becomes my closet. Try as I often do to get someone else to put it away for me, it just doesn't happen. I have no idea why my friends wouldn't want to come over here and hang up my clothes...

Now this is a service I'd pay for. I don't need a whole maid, just someone to put my laundry away, and that's it. What do you think a reasonable fee for that would be? $10 a pile? $15? Shit, I'd pay it.

Who wants a quick 15 bucks?!?

Nerd stuff like making web sites

Have you ever tried? Goddamn.

I buy my fabulous domain from godaddy. Who knows if that was a mistake (I certainly don't know; I just know they had a Superbowl commercial, and that's enough credibility for me). Anywhos, I am desperately trying to use their site-building tools.

It's supposed to be easy. Website Tonight! it's called. My ass. Website if the page ever loads... It is slower than anything I've ever come across. But, hey, I'll deal with it because it's free. Can't complain about free, can you?

Um. I believe I'm doing just that. This is night #2 of Website Tonight! and it isn't even working. The level of annoying here is huge. Imagine an eyelash in your eye. Annoying right? Now dump every single lash you have in that same eyeball. That's about where I'm at right now.

One day I'm sure I'll get this thing up and running, but right now? All I want is a glass (bottle) of wine. Now THAT at least I know I can get tonight.

Headaches

I've had a headache for four days now. Well, not for four days straight, but each of the last four days, I've had a headache.

One time, I almost convinced myself I have a tumor. (Insert Ahhhhnold reference: It's not a tumah.)

I'm sure it's a combination of things that will eventually resolve themselves, but right now I think the only cure for this tumah I seemed to have developed is a vacation. Like at least 5 days in a row of doing straight nothing.

And not checking emails, especially work ones. And putting my cell phone on silent, and leaving it there... I'll check it twice a day maybe. And perfect cloudless beach weather. And clothes that don't need to be ironed, fluffed or thrown into a pile because they don't look good for whatever reason that day. And then, when I do go back to work, I want my entire to-do list miraculously wiped out.

If that doesn't take away my tumah, then I'd start getting worried for real.

Victoria's Secret (update!)

Dear Vicki,

Please accept my deepest apologies regarding the post I wrote three days ago. You have fully redeemed yourself and I would like you to know I'm am hereby officially removing you from my shit list.

Thank you for having the bikini bottom in your catalog that is back-ordered until MayFreakin21st IN STOCK IN THE DAMN STORE.

I truly appreciate it, but am still a little hurt that you didn't just tell me that before. I thought we were closer than that. I trusted you.

Anyway, I'll get over it. I always do. You had me at $10 coupon. Welcome back to my Holy Trinity of Shopping (Express/Victoria's Secret/Target). Welcome home.

3people2seats

Last night at precisely way past my bedtime, I was at a dive-ass bar called "Nippers." The name alone should tell you. Anyway, I went to Nippers after a lovely couple hours of bowling (which I suck at, and systematically suck more and more after each beer).

I'll set the scene for you. It's karaoke night. It's late. The people here are wasted, and going to far as to attempt to croon Outkast. There's an old drunk guy beating one of my friends at pool (he doesn't lose well). Someone just shattered their cocktail on the floor and I'm wearing flip flops. I'm standing in a nicotine fog since smoking is allowed. I'm babysitting my Mich Ultra... and did I mention it's way past my bedtime?

Bowling started out as a crowd of 6 or 7. From there I drove over to the bar, two friends walked over (it's right next door) and one left to go get his car from somewhere and come right back. This one who was "coming right back" is one of the walking guy's ride at the end of the night (stay with me now...).

Bottom line: Mr. I'm Coming Right Back never comes back. I drive a BMW Z4 (two seats), and there are three of us at the bar. Do the math. 3people2seats. No bueno.

Luckily for Mr. ICRB, we were able to pawn Walker #2 off on someone we knew who mercifully showed up. Because, believe me, I'm not catching a DUI because I somehow drew attention by driving down the street with a random guy riding on my roof.